Pro Wrestling Guerrilla presents The Gentle Art of Making Enemies
on February 21, 2009!
By Silverback,
Pro Wrestling Guerrilla Staff Writer
Encinitas, CA – Pro Wrestling Guerrilla’s (http://www.prowrestlingguerrilla.com) Express Written Consent takes place on Saturday, February 21, 2009, at 8:00 PM at American Legion Post #308 in Reseda, CA. Doesn’t this part usually go a little later in the write-up? Usually, but this is a special occasion.
Pro Wrestling Guerrilla’s last event, The Gentle Art of Making Enemies, took place on January 10, 2009, without Commissioner of WrestlingDino Winwood present to oversee the action. Many people wondered where Dino Winwood was that evening, since, after all, what could be more important to the Commissioner than Pro Wrestling Guerrilla’s first show of 2009? It turns out, Dino Winwood had a business dinner. Due to the other party’s busy schedule, the only day available for the meeting was January 10, and dinner reservations at Dino’s preferred meeting place, Lawry’s The Prime Rib of Beverly Hills, were somewhat tough to come by. But after greasing a few palms, the reservation was made for 8:25 PM, the meeting was set, and Dino Winwood was going to cement his position as the best Commissioner Pro Wrestling Guerrilla had ever seen. The evening of the meeting, 8:25 PM came and went, as did the giant silver carts that the prime rib is served from. “It appears sir is dining alone tonight. Is sir ready for his entrée?” the waiter would ask, but Dino Winwood refused to proceed with the main course. That would be giving up. Dino would just eat his green salad a little slower, that’s all. “Maybe he’s taking his 90-day No Compete clause literally? Maybe he’s waiting until the minute it expires before he shows up for our meeting?” Dino thought. Unfortunately, the meeting never took place, and the prime rib was salted by tears that night. What had happened to Paul London?
It turns out that Paul London was in Reseda, CA, that night, enjoying the professional wrestling action that only Pro Wrestling Guerrilla can provide. When he realized that his meeting with Winwood was taking place at the same time as The Gentle Art of Making Enemies, London figured that there must have been some sort of mix up. So while Dino Winwood carved his cherry tomato into smaller and smaller pieces, Paul London watched The Young Bucks defend their Pro Wrestling Guerrilla World Tag Team Championship against Davey Richards and Roderick Strong. So impressed by the victory, Paul London went backstage after the match to congratulate the Bucks, but he found that his old friendsScott Lost and Joey Ryan already had the Jackson brothers’ attention. “You’re lucky we’re wrestling singles match now,” said Joey. “We’d take those titles back in a heartbeat!” finished Scott. Matt and Nick Jackson decided not to take the bait, figuring that if they ignored Scott and Joey for long enough, they’d just go away. But when the Bucks turned their backs, Joey and Scott took the World Championship title belts, snapped the straps together, ran outside, and threw the belts over a phone line, like a pair of sneakers. It was at this point that Paul London had decided he’d seen enough.
“You guys are real jerks,” London stated. “I thought I knew you two, but obviously I don’t.” And that was when everything went pear-shaped. Enraged by this accusation of jerkism, Scott and Joey charged at Paul London, but London was able to avoid the attack due to his natural agility. American Legion Post Commander, Legion Larry, was not so lucky, as The Dynasty caromed off a wall and into him. What erupted after that could accurately be described as a Pier One brawl, though there were no sailors or rattan chairs present.
After Scott Lost, Joey Ryan, and the Legion staff were separated, the former Pro Wrestling Guerrilla World Tag Team Champions shouted back at their now former friend Paul London. “We don’t need you anymore! We’ve got a new friend who is more famous and better looking than you are!” shouted Scott. “Yeah, he got beat up by Kurt Angle and Riki Choshu on the same night! He’ll kick your ass! All of youse!” yelled Joey as he was unceremoniously dumped in the gutter.
The following Monday morning, Dino Winwood received a telephone call. On the other end of the line was a voice that he never expected to hear again. “Dino, it’s Paul. I’m sorry about Saturday night. I guess there was just a little miscommunication. Listen, I want a match at the next show. How about The Young Bucks and I take on Scott, Joey, and their friend Karl. I think those three need to learn a little respect, and the Jacksons and I are the ones to teach them.” Dino Winwood began to weep again, but this time, they were tears of joy.
Six-Man Tag Team Match
Paul London & The Young Bucks (Matt & Nick Jackson) vs. The Dynasty (“The Professional” Scott Lost & Joey Ryan) & The Dynasty International (Karl “Machine Gun” Anderson)
Pro Wrestling Guerrilla’s Express Written Consent takes place on Saturday, February 21, 2009 at 8:00PM at American Legion Post #308 in Reseda, CA, and is scheduled to also feature:
Pro Wrestling Guerrilla World Championship Title Match
Chris Hero (Champion) vs. Human Tornado (Challenger)
— After the brutal World Championship Title Steel Cage Match at Life During Wartime, former champion Human Tornado was injured. Seriously injured. Numerous contusions, a cracked rib, bruises everywhere, and three torn ligaments in his knee meant Tornado wouldn’t be getting his title back any time soon. He wouldn’t be doing anything any time soon, actually. With little more to do than lay in bed and think, Human Tornado began to reflect on what got him to this point in his life, flat on his back and barely able to walk across the room. Was it reallyChris Hero’s fault, or was it something larger? Maybe it was Candice LeRae‘s fault. After all, she cost Tornado his match with CIMA at the2007 Battle of Los Angeles. When the match was over, Chris Hero came to Candice’s aid, and that’s really where this whole thing started. Who was responsible?
With months of recovery and introspection behind him, Human Tornado believes he is a changed man. A more humble man. No longer does he harbor anger toward Candice LeRae, nor is he angry at Chris Hero for the knee injury. No, Human Tornado was able to trace all his problems over the last 18 months back to a single thing, a single genetic trait: hair color. Every time Human Tornado has had a problem, a blonde has always been at the root of it. Candice LeRae, Chris Hero, even Rick Knox! So Human Tornado has adopted a policy that he thinks will bring him back to the top of the professional wrestling world: no more blonde bitches. They’re nothing but trouble! With that new outlook, Human Tornado is ready to cash in his rematch clause and get his Pro Wrestling Guerrilla World Championship title back. After that, the sky is the limit, but one thing is guaranteed: there won’t be any blondes along for the ride.
Hair color aside, Chris Hero still presents a formidable challenge for Human Tornado to overcome. Having not defended his World Championship title in North America since All Star Weekend 7, Chris Hero is eager to remind the fans of Pro Wrestling Guerrilla why he is the World Champion. Tornado’s past actions toward both Candice LeRae and Hero make it hard for anyone to believe that he is a changed man, but Chris Hero is willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. But Chris Hero knows best of all what Human Tornado is capable of, and if this title match turns into a street fight, Chris Hero will be ready for it.
Best 2-out-of-3 Falls Match
“American Dragon” Bryan Danielson vs. TJ Perkins
— At the 2008 Battle of Los Angeles, TJ Perkins was narrowly defeated by his former mentor and trainer, “American Dragon” Bryan Danielson. Now. feeling that he’s accomplished all he can on the West Coast, TJ Perkins has decided to seek his fortune along the Eastern Seaboard. But before he leaves his bright and sunny Southern California home, TJ Perkins wants another shot at Bryan Danielson. Imagine what having a victory over the “American Dragon” on the wrestling résumé of TJ Perkins would mean!
Danielson admitted that his match at the 2008 Battle of Los Angeles was tough and even closer than he would have liked. TJ Perkins has come a long way since he studied the art of professional wrestling under Bryan Danielson’s watchful eye, and Danielson would love to give TJ another shot. However, senior Pro Wrestling Guerrilla official Rick Knox noted that TJ Perkins bent the rules of professional wrestling to very near their breaking point in his last encounter with Danielson, and if Perkins is to get another shot, potential rule-breaking must be taken into account. So, under the advisement of the Pro Wrestling Guerrilla officiating staff, TJ Perkins will take on “American Dragon” Bryan Danielson in a Best 2-out-of-3 Falls match at Express Written Consent on Saturday, February 21. Late yesterday, “American Dragon” Bryan Danielson sent a message to the Pro Wrestling Guerrilla offices via semaphore adding that if Perkins is able to win the match, Danielson will put his name forward as the top reference on TJ’s wrestling résumé! It looks like TJ’s last match as a resident of Southern California could be his most important one, too!
Singles Match
El Generico vs. Kenny Omega
— Prior to The Gentle Art of Making Enemies, fans learned of the budding rivalry between El Generico and Chuck Taylor, a rivalry based exclusively on orphans and pancakes. El Generico loves helping children, orphans especially, and once financed an orphanage in his home town of Tijuana, Mexico. Chuck Taylor, on the other hand, hates children of all kinds, but orphans especially, and sees government money going to orphan-related programs as government money going away from the Chuck Taylor Pancake Stimulus Package, a program designed to put a stack of pancakes on Chuck Taylor’s plate every morning for the next 50 years. But what does this have to do with Kenny Omega?
During his formative years, Kenny Omega was a dedicated student who excelled at both schoolwork and athletics. He was captain of his school’s curling team, class president, and represented Finland in the Model United Nations. However, all of this would come to a screeching halt on a fateful fall day. On this day, Kenny Omega decided to walk home from school rather than take the bus, as it was unseasonably warm outside. Luckily for Kenny, he knew his route home would take him by a local convenience store where he could refresh himself and take a break from the heat. As he pushed through the door, he noticed a group of kids in the corner of the store, crowded around an arcade machine. Armed with the 75 cents left over from his Tater Tot lunch, young Kenny Omega approached the arcade machine, and it turns out that would be the first day of the rest of his life.
Of course, the marquee on the arcade machine read Street Fighter II, and so consumed by this game, Kenny Omega stopped participating in all extracurricular activities. Finland was without their delegate, his curling team was without their Lead, but even then, Kenny was only the second best player at that convenience store. It turns out that his Street Fighter II rival, Osbert Alpha, was an orphan, and while Kenny Omega was wasting time learning composition and dissecting owl pellets, Osbert was mastering the art of E. Honda! With no parents to force him to go to school, Osbert’s days were filled with Super Zutsukis, and he was able to compile a report on frame data, fighter health, damage percentages, and even a rudimentary tier system, while Kenny was stuck learning Algebra! Since then, Kenny Omega has harbored a deep acrimony toward orphans and has made it his mission to destroy all orphans and orphan enablers, both in-game and in-ring. When Chuck Taylor learned of Kenny Omega’s unlikely origin, he was able to harness Omega’s rage and direct it toward El Generico. What will El Generico do, faced with such deep-seated resentment and insurmountable odds? Not even he is sure, but with the North American release of Street Fighter IV coming just days before Express Written Consent, it may distract Kenny Omega just enough for El Generico to come away with a win and come one step closer to reopening Los Angelitos de El Generico.
Plus, hot off his Best Supporting Actor snub for his role in Darren Aronofsky’s The Wrestler, Necro Butcher will take on Austin Aries in a No Disqualification Match that is sure to have ramifications on the Pro Wrestling Guerrilla World Championship title picture! Phoenix Star andZokre, Los Luchas, will also be in action, and much more!
Pro Wrestling Guerrilla’s Express Written Consent takes place Saturday, February 21, 2009, at 8:00 PM at American Legion Post #308 in Reseda, CA. American Legion Post #308 is located at 7338 Canby Ave., Reseda, CA 91335. General Admission tickets are $20 and will be available at the door. For more information, please visit http://www.prowrestlingguerrilla.com. Card subject to change.